Love
Na wstępie pragnę wszem i wobec obwieścić, iż poniższy wpis przeznaczony jest tylko i wyłącznie dla pełnoletnich oczu, zatem jeżeli nie ukończyliście jeszcze 18-go roku życia… Cóż, zapewne i tak wszystko przeczytacie, ale wiedzcie, iż robicie to na własną odpowiedzialność, bez zgody, a wręcz wbrew woli autora! Ot co! Gdyby to ode mnie zależało, już byście mieli zasłonięte oczy, tudzież pisemną zgodę na lekturę podpisaną przez obydwoje rodziców i wychowawcę klasy.
 
Formalności stało się zadość, przejdźmy zatem do rzeczy. Dziś zajmiemy się słownictwem z brytyjskiego leksykonu słów, fraz, slangu i terminów związanych z seksem. Tak, tak – wbrew powszechnie panującej opinii okazuje się, że Brytyjczycy istotnie uprawiają seks, czasami nawet bez ubrań. Jak mawiają Pogromcy Mitów: another myth busted! By nieco utrudnić życie najmłodszym czytelnikom, ograniczę się do opisu poniższych słów jedynie w języku angielskim.
 
  • bender: n 1 big drinking session (universal). 2 homosexual (rather derogatory). Be careful with this one. It possibly derives from the, ekhem, position classically adopted by male homosexuals. It is a very old term, and predates female homosexuals.
  • chat up: v make conversation with someone of the opposite sex with the intention of endearing yourself to them: Arthur spent the whole bloody night chatting up some bird in a wig.
  • chat up line: n an opening gambit intended to attract the opposite sex. Given that opening lines have a near-zero chance of attracting anyone of the opposite sex, it is a popular pastime amongst British women regurgitating the very worst chat up lines they have encountered.
  • fit: adjattractive, when used to describe members of the opposite sex. Very similar to tidy. A fit bird is a fine specimen of the fairer sex, and one described as fit as a butchers dog might be particularly nice.
  • get your end away: v have sex: I think our dog has been getting his end away with that St. Bernard down the street.
  • How’s your father: n sex. Often used in the phrase a bit of hows your father and generally accompanied by a knowing wink. It is rather antiquated, but well understood.
  • pull: v hook up. The art of attracting the opposite sex: You are not going to pull with breath smelling like that. On the pull is a less proactive version of sharking. Single males and females are almost all on the pull but will deny it fervently and pretend to be terribly surprised when eventually it pays off.
  • randy: adj horny. One way of ensuring that Brits laugh at American sitcoms is to put someone in the program called Randy. Sentences such as Hello, I am Randy have British people doubled up on the sofa.
  • romp: v the loving act of procreation. It is a bit rough-and-ready - you would be much more likely to have a romp with your secretary on top of the photocopier than you would with your wife of thirty years in the marital bed. Well, not you personally, these are just examples.
  • shark: v, hunt members of the opposite sex, with copulation in mind. The easiest way to spot someone who is sharking is to watch their friends, who will every so often hold one hand just above their head like a fin just to make the point. The difference between sharking and being on the pull is that sharking is slightly more proactive. If you are on the pull you won’t say no; if you are sharking you won’t take no for an answer.
  • tidy: adj a fine example of his/her gender: Did you see the tidy new bloke working in the sweet shop? Blokes rather like this word because it has a definite subtext suggesting dusting and hoovering.